Showing posts with label empathy. Show all posts
Thursday, October 20, 2016
The Map
This morning as we were sitting on the window sill before school, one of my new students surprises me with this affirmation:
Mrs. Gruener, you're like my map.
I'd never really thought about being a map before,
so I asked him what he meant.
He said he'd follow me anywhere.
He said that I can help him get where he's going.
He said he doesn't feel so lost when he's with me.
And I almost started crying.
October is kind of crazy for a counselor and this week has been really challenging. I've been assigned a few new jobs and I've been learning some new things, many out of my comfort zone, and all way outside of my skill set. And I'm trying to do some extra stuff, like write a grant for a new program that we want to try. So I've been seriously considering retirement, thinking someone younger could do a better job than I feel like I'm doing. Even my principal has noticed that I've been a little stressed.
And then this Bucket Filler reminds me why I love doing what I do.
I get to be his map even though I'm sometimes as lost as he is.
Maybe more lost.
But blessed beyond measure.
Our high school PALs also serve as a map; check out these new capes
on our super PALs Wall of Fame.
Their superpowers include
empathy,
compassion,
and kindness.
Isn't their artwork strikingly engaging?
They took their tour of our campus this week and they start their visits with their PALees on Monday. We can't wait.
Grandparents can serve as a map, too.
As can mentors.
And teachers.
Coaches.
Parents.
And friends.
Who's your map?
Monday, September 5, 2016
Why Mindset Matters
Lately I've been thinking a lot about mattering.
You know, things that matter.
Like kindness.
And how we treat each other.
Like relationships.
And mindset.
I'm super excited to be going to Montana
to talk about why Mindset Matters in the middle of the month.
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| Click the graphic for my guest post about the matter. |
But why, exactly, does mindset matter so much? When I was growing up, we thought that an IQ pretty much determined what a person was going to be able to achieve in life. We now know that the brain is a muscle that gets stronger as we learn and grow. And the more we learn about the brain, the more important it becomes to unlock those errant beliefs and rewrite those old messages.
Here are two video clips that explain mindset really well:
And just like how the three kinds of empathy depend upon and build on one another, mindset {cognition} must come first before other skills can fall into place.
So how exactly do we teach mindset?
Enter this fantastic new resource by school counselor Lisa King.
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| Click book cover for more info at NCYI. |
It came in the mail last week and I devoured it in a day. Then I went back through it to highlight and earmark pages. It's filled with puzzles, coloring pages, book recommendations, brain teasers, and lesson plan activities. There's a mindset chant you can use and some creative ideas for a Mindset Social Station.
Using a MINDSET acrostic, the chapters address these areas.
And though it is called a Counseling Curriculum, I would totally love to see it in the hands of any caregiver who has a stake in the future of a child. I especially like the last chapter, that encourages and empowers our future leaders to take what they know and teach others.
Need a little ditty or song to seal the deal? Here's one I wrote for my friends in Montana; feel free to add it to your mindset arsenal.
It's knowing, embracing, and living the fact that every day is a new chance to be
the best version of you that you can be. That's why mindset matters!
Saturday, April 23, 2016
A Berry Different Perspective
It's that time again, dewberry season.
I used to think that staying home to whip up a homemade pie crust and wait for the call that they boys had found the motherlode and were headed home was the ultimate labor of love.
For 25 years, that's what I thought.
Until today.
Today, I decided to go along with John and Joshua,
to pick dewberries.
I had no idea that the actual picking might trump
the pie-making process in the labor of love category!
the pie-making process in the labor of love category!
I didn't put two and two together when John gently suggested that I find some old jeans to wear instead of the shorts I had on.
I didn't think much of it when he put on his rubber boots.
I didn't click when he put the walking sticks in the back of the van.
Empathy is funny that way;
you don't always know what to expect
until you walk in someone else's boots for a bit.
When we got to the field, it all started to make sense.
The stick, he told me, was to keep away critters ...
{Wait, what?}
but I also found it very useful to move the bramble out of my way so that I could get to those treasures without getting hurt because sometimes they hide deep inside the thorny vines that they call home and it's super tricky to get to them.
I couldn't help but think how this kind of parallels life.
It can be tough to stay the course and get to the treasure.
But it's usually worth it.
And sometimes we think we have it harder than other people do.
But comparison is the thief of joy, so we're wise
to celebrate what is and not worry about what isn't.
Better yet, if we really want to know first-hand what the other person's experience is like, go berry picking with them and see the other side.
After an hour and a half,
the three of us came home with this ...
so that we could enjoy this treat this afternoon.
So today I'm grateful
to have a berry different perspective
that will make my tasty piece of pie even more delicious.
Friday, April 15, 2016
There You Are Empathy Chat
Today I'm excited because I've been invited to lead a Twitter chat on Sunday night for a group of educators in Texas and beyond whom I really admire. We are going to have seven questions, based on this acrostic I created.
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| UPDATE: Click picture for a transcript of the chat! |
This week, I've been reflecting on something I heard on the radio about there being two kinds of people, those who enter a room and say, "Here I am."
and those who enter the room and instead say, "There you are."
And the latter sounded so much like empathy to me.
Here's a sneak peek at the questions we'll be discussing.
So this is your official invitation, to join us on Twitter Sunday night, April 17th, at 8 pm {CST}; use the hashtag #txeduchat to talk about elevating empathy. I'll be there, ready to welcome you enthusiastically and passionately with the words,
"There you are!"
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Limiting Mobility
Today I'm feeling vulnerable as we near the one-year mark of when I was told about my transfer from my school family of fourteen years to our sister school next door. I'm thinking a lot about who I am, where I belong, and what I'm meant to do. I'm also wrestling with the thoughts that get in the way,
that are limiting my mobility as I bounce forward into the future.
Ironically, I saw these parking spots when I dropped Joshua off for a French horn lesson this morning. And I laughed. Not because of their literal use, which I find the perfect example of empathy, compassion and kindness for people with physical limitations, but because of the metaphor they represent to me as I reflect more on the emotional challenges this year has brought with it.
Maybe some of my sometimes reflections will resonate with you.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of self-doubt.
Sometimes I lack trust and nothing seems to anchor me.
Sometimes my errant beliefs get in my way.
Sometimes my anxiety finds me stuck in the past.
Sometimes my worries find me stressed about the future.
When these sometimes that threaten to limit my mobility happen,
Through my struggle, I keep coming back to the gift of a
sidekick.
That's the friend who checks in on you.
The one who asks how you're doing.
The one who's okay with it if when you start to cry.
The one whose presence says, "You matter to me."
Sidekicks love unconditionally.
They extend grace lavishly and forgive over and over again.
They understand stuff about you
that you may not even understand yourself.
And they accept you for who you are, struggles and all.
So today I'm feeling vulnerable and overwhelmingly grateful
to the sidekicks who have been walking alongside of me this past year,
both literally and figuratively,
ready with a listening ear, a kind text or email, a smile, a hug.
{Even when I don't want a hug. Especially when I don't want a hug!}
For being strong when I'm not.
For telling me that that's okay.
For helping me love what is.
And let go of what no longer is.
For reminding me that there is a Higher Power.
And ensuring that I trust that it's all a part of His plan.
For helping me bloom where I'm planted.
And for seeing limitless possibilities instead of
limited mobility.
To my sidekicks:
You know who you are.
Please know how thankful I am.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
The Path To Peace
Today I'm excited because we're having our counseling classes on conflict resolution this week outside on our Peace Labyrinth that former Bales Principal Jay Stailey and his friend Reginald Adams designed for us and helped us paint.
The lesson goes something like this:
First I share this funny and engaging Sesame Street clip,
featuring the late Robin Williams,
to show students what conflict is and what conflict isn't.
Then we watch this clip featuring a common conflict, a fight that ensued between two students after one cheated from another.
Before we head outside to the Labyrinth to role play what happens the next day between Jimmy and Max, we talk about what collaborating using the five steps to problem solving would look like on our conflict-resolution Peace Labyrinth.
It's interesting, because as they predict what the steps are, most of the students want to go straight to a solution. Instead, the steps include:
1. State the problem.
2. State your feelings.
3. State the other person's feelings.
{We're calling this one the empathy stop!}
4. Brainstorm solutions.
5. Choose the best solution.
So we head outside, and role play an easy one first, to review the steps: I want to eat at McDonald's, and the student who volunteers to walk the path with me wants to eat at Chick fil A. Then, we select a volunteer to play Jimmy and a classmate to play Max, and we let them walk the path to peace.
We're so happy even our Labyrinth is smiling!
Friday, March 18, 2016
My Name Is Blessing
Today is bittersweet, because it's our last official day of Spring Break 2016. What a glorious week of restoration and rejuvenation it has been. The sun shining through my window is calling me outside for some more Vitamin D, so today's post will be short and sweet. It's a bittersweet story about kindness and hope, one which was shared with me by my friend Jen Hammerle.
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| Click the book cover to go to the author's website |
Based on the true account of a Kenyan child with a physical disability, this tale finds a young Muthini living with a kind grandmother Mumo, who is struggling to make ends meet for him and his eight cousins. Check out this beautiful book's trailer:
Mumo, whose name means Grace, is forced with a difficult decision to journey to a Orphanage where Muthini might have a chance at a better life, but will they even allow a child whose name means Suffering to stay?
On my first reading, I wasn't sure I liked that the Orphanage was going to change the little boy's name, and I'm not sure my students will either. Use this as a springboard for a discussion about the importance of a name. What might, could, would be the difference in life for a child whose name means Suffering vs. one whose name means Blessing? Should the Orphanage take Muthini as he is or is there a benefit in changing his name? What does this have to do with mindset?
Create an empathy experience: After reading the book aloud, ask for a volunteer and tape that student's fingers down to recreate what it was like for Muthini Baraka to only have the use of two fingers on his one hand and none on his other. What skills might they still do handily? What things will be difficult to do without assistance? What is the experience of missing fingers like? How does it feel? What do you want or need to adapt and thrive?
Blessings are everywhere. As a follow-up activity, encourage students to make a list of their blessings. Can they get to 50? 100? 500?
For more engaging activity suggestions from the publisher, click {here}. For more information about the author's work at Creation of Hope, click {here}.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Inspiring Collaboration Guest Post
Today I'm overjoyed because one of my cyberspace counseling colleagues has agreed to tell us about a strong cross-curricular collaboration that resulted in an assembly idea that I predict will be music to your ears. Please give a warm Corner welcome to School Psychologist (and my friend!) Julie Gordon-Buccitti.
******************************
Hello from Overbrook Elementary!
We were so delighted to be invited by Barbara to share with you about our special whole-school collaborative project that we initiated this year. Our collaboration is a unique one, since we�re not aware of any other school psychologist and music teacher collaboratives in our area. Bringing our disciplines together made sense though, as music is a wonderful therapeutic medium and avenue for self-expression!
Overbrook is a kindergarten through grade 2 school, that has been distinguished as a PBIS (Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports) Model Demonstration School. It was one of just two schools in the state of Connecticut last year to receive this honor!
With the support of our amazing principal, Diane MacKinnon, and our wonderful staff at Overbrook, we were able to create such excitement throughout our school. We began with a series of co-taught lessons that took place during our music classes and focused on the work of Carol McCloud, author of Have You Filled a BucketToday? We included read-alouds, hands-on interactive tasks, written activities, songs, and instrumental music. My friend and colleague, Denise Martino, even wrote an original song that was perfect for our bucket-filling endeavor. With the help of some local businesses, who were kind enough to donate buckets to our project, the children used buckets as drums as they sang Denise�s beautiful and very catchy tune. We even caught children singing this tune at various times and locations throughout the day!
I also purchased the book in Spanish, as we have a large population of bilingual students at our school, and, with the help of our kind ELL Aide, Miss Claudia, I was able to co-teach a lesson in Spanish. I was so touched as our bilingual students helpedme, as I was attempting to read and communicate! This was a good empathy lesson for me as I took on the challenges of using a language that I am not as familiar with.
In our school, there have been many social-emotional learning initiatives. Some of these initiatives have included whole group and small group lessons in classrooms and centers, whole group lunch lessons in the cafeteria, and co-teaching in our music classes. In addition, there are now plans underway for bringing social-emotional learning into gym class. It was my hope that by bringing social-emotional learning to our students across a variety of settings, that we would see carry-over of the skills taught into multiple settings throughout the school. Based on feedback I have received from students, staff, and parents, this is exactly what is happening.
Recently, Denise and I had the pleasure of putting together a Bucket-Filling assembly. This assembly was attended by our entire school, as well as community stakeholders like our Superintendent of Schools, Pupil Services Staff, and our local newspaper, The New Haven Register. During our assembly, we incorporated a number of activities, making sure to include variety and opportunities for movement, in order to keep our little ones actively engaged. Our students performed Denise�s original song, there was a read-aloud, we all took a bucket-filling pledge together, and acted out some skits and asked our students to identify whether we were bucket filling or bucket dipping. Our students have become quite the bucket filling experts! We also made some special edition bucket filling PBIS tickets, to tie in bucket filling with our Model PBIS program already in place.
At the end of our assembly, we wrapped up with a bucket filling music video and our students and staff had so much fun singing and dancing. Both music teacher and school psychologist are being asked when the next bucket filling lesson will be taking place. I wonder if our littles know how much they fill our buckets each day.
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| Click to download these special-edition tickets. |
At the end of our assembly, we wrapped up with a bucket filling music video and our students and staff had so much fun singing and dancing. Both music teacher and school psychologist are being asked when the next bucket filling lesson will be taking place. I wonder if our littles know how much they fill our buckets each day.
Our assembly was also written up in our support staff and specialists� newsletters to parents, so now our parents can use similar bucket filling terminology, and together we can reinforce the importance of being a bucket filler at school and at home.
It was truly heartwarming working together to make this project a success. So many staff members helped in so many ways. I owe a huge thank you to my wonderful collaborating partner Denise, too; our buckets are overflowing!
Thank you for allowing us to share our story and our excitement about this project with you. We look forward to continuing with our bucket filling work, and encouraging kindness throughout our school and community!
Denise Martino, Music Teacher
Overbrook Elementary School
A K-2 PBIS Model Demonstration School
East Haven, CT
East Haven, CT
Thank you, Julie & Denise, for sharing your heartbeat with us;
we are positively inspired by your bucket-filling collaboration.
we are positively inspired by your bucket-filling collaboration.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Thursday Treasure Trove
Today, a few treasures.
What advice would you give to a younger version of yourself?
Why not take the Dear-Me Challenge?
Next, this growth-mindset maxim to remind us that
anything is possible.
Then, from Daily Good: What If Schools Taught Kindness?
And from Edutopia: Three Videos on the Importance of Empathy
NPR's thoughtful post about What Kids Need From Grown-Ups
Play to Your Strengths from our friends at The 7 Mindsets
And from PBS, Teaching Frustration Tolerance
For comic relief, this Social Skills for Politicians clip
Finally, check out this passionate and innovative superhero:
E is for enthusiasm.
Don't you just love how excited he gets?
Talk about your Thursday treasure trove!
Happy reading {and watching}.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Quietly Observant
Today I'm delighted because my Activate Empathy, Mobilize Kindness guest post went live on the Free Spirit Publishing blog this morning. It has been so much fun, to be assigned a topic, let it marinate while prewriting it in my head, then write and rewrite on paper. I'm really pleased with how it turned out.
I'm happy with how my homework assignment turned out, too.
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| Click image to read about the Therapeutic Effects of Coloring |
Our AP put these in our boxes right before we left for the holidays, with a challenge to color it for a visual display she wants to make. In a fun coincidence, it just so happens that my sister got three types of coloring mediums, which she willingly shared. We had fun side-by-side, pretending to be artists.
We've also been doing some reading;
I started Making Rounds With Oscar this morning.
It's an account about an ordinary feline with extraordinary feelings,
a cat who can sense when a person is in his/her last earthly day,
a quiet observer who makes his way to the dying person's side.
We also saw a movie, which loosely connects to Oscar's tale.
I laughed and I cried through The Intern,
featuring Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway.
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| (Disclaimer: There are a few distasteful words and scenes.) |
It's about a fashion start-up that decides to hire senior interns (DeNiro) and the brain-child behind the dot com (Hathaway) who wants nothing to do with the one who gets assigned to her. In fact, before she realizes how much she can learn from him, she demands he be transferred to another department.
The reason? He's just "too observant."
A quiet observer, like the comfort cat.
So much food for thought coupled with examples of elevated empathy in both of these. When we're able to get quiet, to silently observe from outside of ourselves, then we can see what others need and experience their emotions.
When is the last time you got to be a quiet observer?
What did you notice?
What did you learn?
How did you grow?
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